Annie's notebook
by boxesarehumble
Summary: This story happens after the rebellion. Annie Odair handles life without her husband harshly but manages to stay strong for her son. Years later, Finn Odair will venture through a whole new experience. Enjoy!
1. The notebook

Annie's POV

There he is in a decorative blue crib given by one of the neighbors. _He has his hair and eyes_, I think to myself. I don't think I'll ever have the heart to tell him what happened to his father. I caress his soft hair and it instantly reminds me of Finnick. _I wish you were here to cherish this moment with me. _How will I explain all this to my son, Finn Odair?

It's around 9.30 pm. I don't feel like sleeping at all. I feel so alone but I know he's watching over me. I take one look at the crib again and smile. I shouldn't feel lonely. I have to be strong for this toddler. He needs me. I can't leave at the time he needs me the most. I need to control myself. For Finnick and Finn.

I open the drawer and take out a notebook Peeta gave me before. He told me to write down everything I feel here. He said it would make things better. It actually works. I'll start jotting things down as soon as I find a pen.

_Notebook entry #52, 9.35pm. I can't sleep. There's not one day I don't miss my Finnick. Finn is sound asleep hugging a stuffed fish toy. He looks so sweet and innocent. Just a few days ago, they built a shrine of Finnick in the square. They were able to find his body (or at least what's left of it) -_

I drop my pen. Why did I write that? I start sobbing again. Holding back tears will make things worse. Besides, Finn can't see me. I wish Katniss and Peeta were here. I miss Johanna, Haymitch and Effie, too. I sigh. I'll just write to them all tomorrow morning. But I guess I still have to continue my notebook entry.

_-and had a funeral. Mostly everyone came. They even made me make a speech. Keeping all the emotions inside of me was hard, but I had to do it for Finn. He was just seated right next me in the funeral. But he didn't understand what was going on, anyway. He's only a year old. _

_ I thought my mind was playing jokes with me again when I thought I saw Cinna, Katniss' stylist. Speaking of her, I wonder when Katniss and Peeta will get children. It would be lovely if Finn had some friends to play with. But... Could it be true? Cinna's still alive? I'm not entirely sure. I also thought I saw Portia and the rest of the prep team in the house across mine. Could it be that they're still all alive? Could it be that they were the one who sent the crib? The only way to find out is to knock on their door tomorrow. Since Mags died in the Quell, -_

Okay, seriously. I have to stop writing down such awful things. Oh Mags! I wish she was here too. I miss her so much. She was practically like family to Finnick and me. All these tears are making my eyes fall. I'll hurry with my notebook entry and go to bed.

_-her house became unoccupied. The mayor assigned fortunate people to live in Victor's Village after the war. _

_I'm starting to feel sleepy now. Hopefully one day I can arrange a date to go to 12. For now, all my thoughts are on this baby. _

I close the notebook and put it back in the drawer. Before I lay in bed, I kiss Finn on the forehead. I close my eyes and think of Finnick and all the memories we had. All those times in the beach. Those times I would watch him fish our dinner or when we would just lie on the sand and watch the stars. I even remember when a turtle took his slipper while we were swimming. And especially those times when, he would just hold me and never let go. He would say soothing things to my ear and I knew everything was okay. He loved me when no one else did.

Next thing I know, we're on a beach. Just me, Finn and Finnick. We set up a picnic and watch the waves. We're having so much fun! I'm able to be in the arms of my husband again. I can actually feel him. His hair is as soft as ever. I'm lost in his eyes. His beautiful sea green eyes.

Someone's pulling him away. Finnick desperately tells the man, "One more minute, please!" He shakes his head and pulls my husband into the sea. I'm screaming as loud as I can, "Finnick! NOO!" He's able to escape the man's grip. He hugs me one last time and says, "I love you, Annie. You'll be okay, I promise."

I wake up with a start. _It was a dream, _I think to myself._ But I felt him. He was there. _

I look at the clock. It's 8am. Finn is still sleeping. I sit on my bed, hugging my legs as I rock myself on the blanket. I can't go on like this. I have to accept the fact he won't come back. I get a piece of paper as quietly as I can and start writing.

_To my dearest Finnick, _

_I know you're happy wherever you are. I know you're safe. No one can hurt you now. Not ever again. Finn will understand everything once he gets older. I'll raise him to be like you. Brave. Strong. Loving. I'll teach him to swim, the way you taught me. I will never forget our memories._

_I saw you last night. I know you were there. I know it. I felt you. This wasn't the first time, though. I know you won't come back, but you aren't gone. Not really, anyway. You'll forever stay in my heart. Thank you for making me feel like I'm never alone, dear. I love you. _

_ Love, Annie_

I fold the paper and put it on my bed. I shower and change clothes and by the time I'm finished, Finn starts crying. I feed him and bathe him. I dress him up with shorts and a blue shirt and we head off to the nearest beach.

Oh, wait. I forgot my letter! I run back inside with Finn in my arms and reach for the letter on the bed. I put it safely in my pocket and leave the house.

When we reach the beach, I put Finn down on the sand. He stands up wobbly but falls back down. He gives up on try to stand and starts crawling to the shore. He giggles as gentle waves splash on him. I can tell he loves the feeling. I smile at the ocean and look up to the clouds. "Love you, Finnick." I whisper. I look around the area. My eyes spot a leaf, the size of a full-grown crab. I pick it up and place it on the water. I carefully get my letter from my pocket and put it on top of the leaf. I give it a little push and watch as it floats away, away to my Finnick.


	2. Finding out

7 years have past…

Finn's POV

I'm 8 years old, and my mother & I have been living here ever since I was a baby, yet still no sign of my father.  
My mom has a few pictures of him, though. She said I inherited his sea green eyes and bronze colored hair. By judging on the looks of these photographs, we don't look too different.

I wonder what happened to him. Is he lost? Did he marry another woman and raise another family? For whatever reason, I hate him. How could he just leave my mom like that, especially with her condition?

Every time I ask mom about him, her face would register an expression of pain, guilt and sorrow combined. She would tell me, "You'll understand in the future, sweetie." But I need to know now! What good will the future do if I don't understand at an early age?

Oh well, now's not a good time to ask. We're packing for district 12. Maybe we'll stay for a week or 2. I heard we'd be living in Aunt Katniss & Uncle Peeta's house for the meantime. Hmm… I could probably ask them about my dad. We were taught in school about the "Hunger Games" and about how two teens pretending to be in love brought down the Capitol, along with a few more people. Ironic though, these "two teens pretending to be in love" married years ago. One look at them would tell you their love was real, so I've been told.

"Finn! Hurry up! Train leaves in an hour," mom hollers from downstairs.

"Give me a minute!" I reply.  
I put Olly, my stuffed fish toy, in my backpack and zip it close. I grab my jacket from my bed and put it on. It's terribly cold outside. Same time last year, a chunk of ice fell on my head so my mom got me an awesome blue cap—my cap! I almost left without it! After looking around my empty closet, I decide to ask mom.

"Mom! Have you seen my cap?" I yell  
"Which one?"  
"My ONLY one!"  
"Oh…check my room!"

I run to her room and rummage around. I open her drawer and to my surprise, it's there. "Found it!" I shout, but I doubt she can hear me. With no time to lose, I quickly grab my cap and as I walk out the door, a something falls. I turn around and see that something is a notebook. I pick it up, wanting to read it but there isn't time to spare. So instead of returning it, I stuff it in my pocket. _Mom won't mind._

With a cap on my head and a backpack slung on one shoulder, I carefully drag my small luggage down the stairs. Mom meets me halfway & carries it for me.  
"I found it in—"  
"No time," she interrupts. "Talk on the train, okay dear?"  
Once we're out of the house, she locks the door and gives my luggage to me. She has her own luggage to carry—a much bigger one—so I have no choice.

We reach the station in 10 minutes. The snow made it hard to run. Exactly as we step inside the boarding area, a man shouts out last calls for district 12. We hurriedly step in the train and look for an empty cabin. We find one near the entrance and sit down. Mom puts our baggage in the upper compartment, tramples next to me and lets out a huge sigh of relief.

"Your generation is lucky. You know, there weren't any trains to transport citizens to other districts? Only for tributes…to the Capitol." She says while looking out the window. The train starts moving slowly.  
"Really? Wow. The Capitol was strict back then," I stare at my shoes. "Seriously, how the heck did they come up with the Hunger Games? Pfsh. _Slaughter._" I mutter. Well, I think it was like that. Our teacher didn't explain much.

Mom holds my hand tightly. Oops. I forgot she and dad were…what's the word? _Tributes._ It took minutes before she loosens her grip. "We'll arrive in 5 hours. It used to be high speed but…there's no rush so they slowed it down to avoid train damage." She yawns and lets go of my hand. I stand up shakily and transfer to the couch facing this one and hand her a pillow. She gives me a smile and a kiss on the forehead, and lies down. In a matter of minutes, she falls asleep.

I take off my backpack and put it next to me. I'm not sleepy so I guess I'll watch the clouds. The temperature here is pretty warm so I take off my shoes as well. When I try to put my leg up, something hits me in the waist from my pocket. _Mom's notebook!_ I bring it out.

Should I read it? I think it would be rude if I did. Eh, mom won't mind. I read the first page.

_Notebook entry #1 8.30pm_

_This is hopeless. It is the day after the rebellion. Peeta gave me this notebook to help calm my emotions. Okay so let's see, I'm pregnant and the person that I love will never come back to me. That's just great. HOW THIS IS SUPPOSE TO HELP ME? I'm gonna cry now._

Rebellion… We didn't study about that YET. As of now, this notebook makes no sense. But I continue to flip through the pages anyway. Most are about my dad and how depressed she is. Some are about me. My eyes are dropping… these entries are getting longer and longer. But I won't stop reading until I find the information I'm looking for: what happened to my dad.

Whoa. This has to be the longest one. _Notebook entry#52. _Looks real deep and personal… I'm gonna enjoy reading this one.  
I'm leisurely reading until my eyes fall on the word "funeral". Whoa wait up. Did I read that right? I reread it several times until it has lost its meaning. Crud. This can't be true. I drop the notebook. My head's getting all dizzy and I can't think straight. No wonder it breaks mom's heart every time I ask her. Guilt runs through my veins. Sadness follows after.

I pick up the notebook. My bag isn't full so I put it in one of the hidden pockets inside. I slouch until my feet touch the floor. I'm not very tall so it takes a while until that happens. _Dad's dead?_ I don't feel so good. Puking might be a good idea right now. A great substitution would be crying… Cry or puke? I bring out Olly and bury my face in him. _Yeah, crying is okay. _I only feel like this because of mom's sake. I never met my dad, so I don't know whether he was really that good of a man. I'm depressed because, the thought of someone you love being taken away from you is awful. I pity my mother.

I don't even remember falling asleep; I just wake up to the sweet aroma of cookies. My eyes flutter, wondering if they're still red and puffy.  
"Eat up, sweetie. 1 more hour until we reach 12!" mom says excitedly. I'm not hungry but it smells so good, I have to take a bite. "Mmm…district 4 cookies." I finish the whole plate. Delicious. The taste of salt and fish sprinkles make me feel at home.

I look out the window while licking the cookie crumbs off my fingers. "Where are we?" I ask anxiously. Mom studies the lands filled with animals. "Livestock," she murmurs. "District 10. We're near." She smiles then closes her eyes. "Take a nap. 45 minutes to go."

I think I had more than enough sleep but I close my eyes anyway. I start to think of the ocean, the water splashing on my feet. Those thoughts usually calm me. In no time, I fall asleep.

I dream of my father, lying in his coffin. Mom's crying and I'm throwing cookies at cows. Dad suddenly rises and carries me away. I'm screaming and kicking hysterically while he throws me in a hole and buries me alive.

I wake up with a start, with sweat all over my forehead. Holy fishes, that was the worst nightmare yet. Mom doesn't seem to notice me, though. She's busy carrying our luggage down from the compartment. _It was just a dream. A very, bad dream. _Relief flushes through me.

The train's slowing down. A cheerful woman's voice talks on a microphone that can be heard clearly throughout the whole train. "Good afternoon everyone! It is 3.15pm, 19th of December. We are arriving in District 12 in any minute. Here, they specialize in the production of coal. They were bombed almost 9 years ago but with the new officials of the Capitol AND miners' cooperation, they were able to restore everything and improve living, too! Enjoy your stay and thank you for riding with us!" The train stops. I put on my shoes and backpack as quickly as possible. Mom hands me my luggage and opens the sliding door. With her one hand holding mine and her other one on the handle of her luggage, we head out of the train with a few other people on board.

We're in the train station now, and I have to say, it's hard to believe this district was one of the poorest. The walls are beige and very clean. The floor is dark red and smooth. "Wow," I saw with awe.


	3. Story telling

Mom is looking around anxiously. "There they are!" she tells me. I look in the direction she's looking at and see a couple approaching us. Only when they come closer do I notice that they were holding hands.

"Annie! It's so good to see you again!" exclaims a woman with grey eyes and dark hair. She hugs my mom tightly. I'm not sure how old she is but I'm guessing around late 20's. Her husband walks toward me and kneels down so that we could make proper eye contact. He has blonde hair and smells of freshly baked bread.

"Hey there, kiddo. You're Finn, right?" I nod. His voice is so naturally friendly. "I'm your Uncle Peeta, and that—"he points at the woman—"is your Aunt Katniss. Beautiful, isn't she? We're both extremely famous, by the way." I laugh. Not only is he charismatic, he's funny too. I like him. Plus, he helped my mom in many ways, so I've read in mom's notebook.

He smiles at me. Even his blue eyes show so much happiness. It's pretty obvious he wants to raise a family of his own. Aunt Katniss just isn't ready. Again, I read that in mom's notebook.  
"And look what we have here!" Katniss says. She kneels next to me. "Oh…" she glances at Peeta. "Finnick's eyes," she says. "Your father was a great man." She gives me a smile but her eyes are tearing up. "You've grown, little fish. Come on, let's get you guys settled in." She stands up and picks up my luggage with no trouble at all. Peeta nods at mom and we all start walking towards the exit. We're approaching the door when all of a sudden Peeta stops his wife.  
"Nuh-uh." He says while shaking his head. "Give me that. You've done enough already." He snatches my bag from her hand. She looks as if she's ready to answer back but instead she says, "Fine." We continue walking.

"You know, she cleaned the _whole_ house for you guys," He says proudly.  
"No big deal," She shrugs.  
"I've never seen her like that!" he exclaims. "Well, aside from the time I've returned from the Capitol after the war. I pretended not to see her looking through her window and dolling herself up."  
We all give hearty laughs, except for Katniss who is blushing like crazy. She hits him playfully in the arm and tells him to shut up. _Nice people,_ I tell myself. _I like them._

We've been walking for 15 minutes. The snow is getting deeper, and we're all cold despite the fact we're wearing thick clothing. Peeta offers to carry mom's trolley, but she refuses.

We stop in front of a house that looks similar to the 11 other houses next to it. "_Victors Village", _I murmur.  
"We're here," Katniss says. She sounds exhausted, probably from cleaning this huge home.

Once she unlocks the door, I run inside and sit in front of the fireplace. I sigh with relief. _Warm at last!_ Peeta sets down my bag in an empty room and sits down next to me.  
"Feels good, yeah?" he asks.  
"Yeah. Warm." I reply. I realize that was the first time I spoke since we got here.

Katniss and mom start chatting about the new Capitol officials while they make dinner. "I'll get something. Wait here," says Peeta. He stands up and leaves the living room.

I patiently wait for him and while doing so, I listen to the loud conversation of mom and Aunt Katniss.  
"I could make my own arrows, you know," says Katniss. "But they aren't as sturdy as how I made them before. So, how much are they in your district?"  
"150 goods for 12 arrows," mom replies. "Prices are getting higher."  
"Seriously?" she complains. "You know what, never mind. I'll just use my old ones."  
"How much are they here?"  
"100 goods for 5. Terrible isn't it?"

I turn around to the sound of footsteps. Is it just me or is Uncle Peeta really that loud?  
He's holding a medium sized paper bag. "It's for you," he says with a smile. "Advance Christmas gift." He hands it over and I put it on my lap. I carefully rip out the tag and keep it in my pocket. Next, I remove the tape and stuff my hand in and pull it out. Whoa! I don't have many toys so seeing this one was a beauty.  
"A trident!" I exclaim with exploding happiness. "I've seen real ones but mom won't let me near them! Oh wow, thank you so much Uncle Peeta!"  
The trident is made of strong wood and is painted dark blue. It has a button that I don't think I want to press. The pointed tips don't hurt unless thrown from a far distance.

I test my skills by aiming at one of the couch pillows. I focus on it with one eye and throw as hard as I can. Crash! I hit a cat. It's fat so it hardly can dodge. So much for my so-called "skills." I pick up my toy which landed on it's tail.

Peeta laughs. "That's Buttercup. He likes sleeping under the couch. Buttercup, this is Finn." Buttercup's ears perk up at my name. He walks toward me and surveys my face. He wails and tries to scratch my face. Unlike him, I am not fat. Therefore, I was able to dodge his attack.  
"Bad cat! NO. Don't do that to our guest," Peeta scolds. He pauses for a few seconds and sighs. "Buttercup, I said FINN not Prim." The cat wails again and leaves the room.

"Who's Prim?" I ask curiously. His face turns pale and I know this can't be good.  
"Katniss' sister."  
"Where is she?" I sort of regret asking that because he doesn't reply.  
"Oh…umm I'm sorry." Another learned death in just hours. Gee, when will I keep my mouth and eyes shut?  
"You're bright for your age. But it's fine. It was the Capitol's fault." He says.

Mom walks in and immediately her eyes grow big at my toy. "How cute!" she says. "Uncle Peeta gave it to you?" I nod happily. "It's so cool!" I add. "Did you say thank you?" she asks in a motherly tone that I sort of find funny.  
"Yes, mom."  
"Of course he did, Annie. Good son you got there. I…I wonder when Katniss…" he trails off.  
"Soon. Don't worry, she can't resist you," Mom says while patting him on the shoulder.

"Dinner's ready!" Aunt Katniss shouts. "Peeta, be a dear and help me bring the food to the table." I go to the dining area and sit on one of the chairs while mom and Uncle set the table. They put plates with all sorts of food in front of me. These include bowls of chowder, prawns—my favorite—, baked rabbit, cheese buns and grape juice. I take at least one of each. "Mmm… this is great!" I remark after taking my first bite of everything.  
They laugh. "Glad you liked it," Katniss says. She gives me one of those smiles that make me feel like I don't regret saying anything. "Your uncle made the bread. He's a baker, you know." I glance at Peeta. No wonder he always smells like bread and cinnamon. Mom adds, "He's also a painter. He decorated my wedding cake. And I'm pretty sure he painted all the paintings hung in this house."

I look around. Wow… They're amazing. I point to one of the paintings. "I like that one the most." It's a portrait of an open mollusk with a big shiny white pearl in it. It's laying a bed of sand that when I come to think of it, it's on a beach. It looks so real. I could almost touch it…

"Thank you, Finn." Peeta replies to the compliment. "I did that by memory. Well, almost every painting is done by memory."  
"What memory?" I ask. What can I say? I'm a curious boy.  
Mom gives me one of those _shut-up-and-just-eat-your-food _faces.  
"Nah, it's fine Annie," he says while waving his hand dismissively. "In the 3rd Quarter Quell, I found that…on a beach. Then I gave it to Katniss as a gift."  
"And I still have it," She adds in a proud-yet-solemn tone.

They all continue eating. The room fills up with awkward silence. This is gives me time to think. Quarter Quell. Pearl. Beach. Wedding cake. Prim. Dad. Both dead, most likely by the Capitol. This is also the perfect time to ask. _They _brought it up anyway.

"How did dad die?"  
All the colors of their faces drain. Mom looks startled. Okay, I have to admit, that was a pretty harsh question to start with but I was going for the direct approach anyway. I need them to get to the point. She narrows her eyes at me. "Finn, how did you—"  
"I read your notebook," I interrupt. "I'm—I'm sorry. It was with my cap and it fell down so… I'm sorry, mom."

I'm waiting for her to say, "It's fine. What's mine is yours." But instead she breaks down crying. I have never seen her like this. But looking on the faces of my aunt and uncle, they seem to be used to it. Of course, they're concerned but what I meant was they aren't as startled as me. "Mom? …I…I'm sorry."  
"I…couldn't…hide it…any longer." She manages to say between sobs. I stand to give her a hug and so do Peeta and Katniss. "I'm—I'm fine. It's all right, sweetie." She says while stroking my hair. She looks up at the couple. "Tell him everything. I'm not strong enough." Peeta looks at his wife and reluctantly nods.

We sit back down while mom dabs her napkin on her puffy eyes. Katniss sighs. "It was the day of the reaping of the 74th Hunger Games. It was Prim's, my little sister, first one. Her name was only in there once. 'They aren't gonna pick you', I told her."  
"Of course they aren't! It's against all odds" I say, louder than I actually wanted to. She smiles, "That's what we all thought. Then there comes Effie, with her pink wig and silly Capitol accent. She puts her hand in the bowl, and poof. Primrose Everdeen is the female tribute representing D12 in the 74th Annual Hunger Games."  
"What? How was that possible… wait, I thought YOU were the female tribute that year… or was that the Quell? Sorry, they didn't give us any details in school. All they said was that it was a fight to death on live television," I sadly say.  
"They didn't want to scare other kids your age. And actually, I was in both. Peeta, too. But tonight, let's talk about the first one." The fact that she was in the Hunger Games _twice_, brought down the Capitol and is still alive gave me chills. I'm in front of a living legend.  
She then explains about the parades, their costumes and stylists.  
"Real fire?" I say, frightened.  
"Oh no!" she laughs. "Fake. Cinna thought of it. He's a pure GEE-NEE-YUS."  
"Yeah he was" Peeta adds. "I'll take it from here, Girl on Fire."  
He tells me about the interviews and how he told Haymitch his confession of love.  
"He thought you were kidding about that?"  
"Yeah. He made Katniss think it was just for the sponsors. Everything was for the games." He narrows his eyes at her. She blushes and raises her hands in the air. "Hey, I said I was sorry!" We laugh and even mom smiles.  
"Yeah. Anyway, after training for several days, we're tossed in to the arena. That year, it was a forest version." He continues on why he joined the "Careers" to lead them away from Katniss. Lots of kids died in the bloodbath. Everyone was an enemy but he said that Katniss favored a girl named Rue. "She was 12. Katniss thought of her as Prim. They destroyed the Careers' food supplies together. Then a career killed her with a spear, so Katniss shot him with an arrow. She held Rue's hand and sang her a song before she died. Then she covered her in flowers. She did one last D12 salute to her and watched her body get carried away by a hovercraft. One of the best rebellious things she did."

I don't get the rebellious part… How is doing those stuff being mean? But aside from that, the killing part terrified me. I could never imagine someone kill a small innocent girl, or someone as nice as my aunt murder another. But then again, you had no choice. It was the Capitol's entire fault.

Peeta continues with a rule change and some mushy cave scene.  
"Blehh!" I blurt out. They all laugh at my reaction. Peeta smirks. "That's what you think now. Come back when you're older and I'll tell you that part again."  
I give a small laugh and tell him to go on with the story. He talks about a Career named Cato and their last fight. When he said that they won, I started cheering.  
"BUT…" Peeta warns.  
"…but?" I stop jumping and clapping.  
"There was another rule change."  
"ANOTHER ONE?"  
"Uh huh. We had to fight each other, they said. Only one victor, they said. Pfsh look who's dead now."  
Then he talks about the rebellious act that ignited the flames of the rebellion.  
"That is so cool," I say with complete amazement. I haven't even noticed that 2 hours have past.

Someone knocks on the door. Katniss stands and gets it. A woman with long blonde hair walks in with a bag.  
"JOHANNA!" all three of them scream. They're hugging each other now while I'm eating leftover bread. When they're done, Johanna walks up to me and pats my head. "Is this our little fish?" she asks. There's a bit of sarcasm and hatred in her voice but other than that, she's okay.  
"Hi. I'm Finn…" I shyly say.  
"Hey Finn. I'm your Aunt Johanna. You look very much like your dad, you know?" She sounds much calmer now.  
"So I've been told," I reply. I look at all of them and my eyes grow big. Then I say out of nowhere, "Wow. I'm in a room full of victors."

"Not me, kid." Says a voice.  
We all turn our heads except for Johanna who is chewing on a rabbit leg. At the door is a tall dark haired man that has the same grey eyes as Katniss. They look so alike that I wonder if they're related.

"Gale?" Peeta says a bit doubtfully.


End file.
